“Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay.”
John Gottman
Sex Therapy
Many people feel embarrassed or shameful when talking about sex. I come from a sex positive approach meaning I have a progressive attitude towards sex and sexuality. When couples are open about sex and talk about it often they report more satisfying sex lives. Sex is healthy and important in any relationship. We have to first create an emotionally intimate space in our relationship in order to have a satisfying sex life.
John Gottman's research shows couples that have a satisfying sex life are doing the following:
-
They say “I love you” every day and mean it
-
They kiss one another passionately for no reason
-
They give surprise romantic gifts
-
They know what turns their partners on and off erotically
-
They are physically affectionate, even in public
-
They keep playing and having fun together
-
They cuddle
-
They make sex a priority, not the last item of a long to-do list
-
They stay good friends
-
They can talk comfortably about their sex life
-
They have weekly dates
-
They take romantic vacations
-
They are mindful about turning toward
It's also important to make time for each other and put each other first.
The Sloan Center at UCLA found that couples who have unfulfilling sex do the following:
-
Spend very little time together during a typical week
-
Become job-centered and child-centered
-
Talk mostly about their huge to-do lists
-
Seem to make everything else a priority other than their relationship
-
Drift apart and lead parallel lives
-
Are unintentional about turning toward one another
I specialize in working with the LGBTQ+ population, those in open or polyamorous relationships and those in the Kink community. My goal is to make everyone comfortable and confident to talk to their partner about their sex life.
What happens in Sex Therapy
Sex problems can cause several different problems in a relationship. It can cause pain and rejection, issues with self esteem, damaged emotional connection, and resentment. Sometimes this can be hard to bring up to your partner and painful to talk about. Avoiding the subject will only make things worse. The first step is reaching out to a third party who can help. We will use a comprehensive assessment to identify the areas we need to improve on and create a collaborative treatment plan to reach your goals. Sex Therapy usually involves lots of homework outside of session but we will go at your own pace. Here are some common issues treated in sex therapy:
-
Kink and Fetishes
-
Issues related to LGBTQ+ (sexual orientation exploration and transgender issues)
-
Asexuality
-
Polyamory or open relationships
-
Orgasm Difficulty
-
Porn Addiction
-
Sex Addiction
-
Compulsive masturbation
-
Loss of sexual desire or low libido
-
Medical issues relating to desire, comfort or pain
-
Women's issues - Painful intercourse, hormones, or vaginismus
-
Erectile Dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation
-
Poor Communication about desires and needs
-
Sexual trauma/PTSD
After building rapport and trust with your therapist you can begin to communicate about your issues in a safe enviornment. I can help increase communication with your partner so you can begin to work on improving your sex life together. Using Gottman Method Couples Therapy we will use evidenced based interventions to address your individual concerns. I also am trained in EMDR if you need help addressing trauma that is effecting your sex life. Sometimes I may refer one or both of you out to a medical specialist to rule out or address any health concerns I may have. One thing you can always count on is collaboration with you, I'm always open to feedback from my clients on how I can best help them.
Contact me to see if we will be a good fit today!
